WHY PEOPLE AVOID CONFLICTS
While I could list tens of reasons why conflicts are avoided, I would say it all comes down to this one statement: Generally speaking, conflicts are considered bad and make people feel uncomfortable. The 4 common fears many people have when dealing with conflicts are:
I don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings
I don’t want to be disliked by disagreeing
I don’t want to experience intense emotions that may come up
I don’t want to make this relationship awkward
All these fears are certainly valid and avoiding conflicts can be in fact a good strategy in some situations. That said, it is important to remember that the fear of conflicts and disagreements can keep you from being completely honest with others and yourselves. Honesty, as you may know, is a foundation for trust in any meaningful relationship. In other words, engaging in a healthy conflict allows you to share your honest opinions, emotions, and what’s important to you.
Keeping things harmonious on the surface while avoiding sharing what really bothers you can negatively impact the relationship.
THE COST OF AVOIDING CONFLICTS
One of the byproducts of avoiding conflicts is resentment which consists of bitterness and anger. By not expressing your true feelings or opinions due to the fear of having a conflict, you may start feeling that your needs are not met in the relationship and this, in turn, may make you feel indifferent towards the person. Without a proper outlet, the bottled-up resentment may make you want to avoid this person in general and the quality and depth of communication will also deteriorate as a result. Additionally, keeping things harmonious on the surface while avoiding sharing what bothers you can negatively impact the relationship. When you feel as though you can’t openly talk to this person, there is an absence of trust in the relationship.
UNTAPPED RELATIONSHIP POTENTIAL
If you want to work on your ability to manage conflicts and navigate through difficult conversations to build a meaningful and fulfilling relationship, I encourage you to explore the resources that are available within the context of conflict management in relationships and develop skills and mindsets that allow you to feel confident and calm during conflicts.
If you are interested, I am happy to offer you a complimentary call over Zoom to answer any questions you may have and get you started on your journey to have meaningful relationships with others at work and in your personal life: https://calendly.com/kohei-yoshino/30min?month=2022-05